Hangover Jokes

When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure,

When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,

When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

Warn all your friends

In this post we rip on this picture of Natalie Portman from Black Swan.

- Man that is one weird looking swan. I wonder if it has night vision.
- How much weed did that swan smoke.
- That swan has a serious case of pink eye.
- Looks like a white swan to me. Why white swans always trying to be black swans.
- Is that a swan or a gay dude?
- Why can black swans travel faster than other swans cross country? They take the red eye.
- Why did the black swan kill herself? Because she was a crazy bitch.
- What did the black swan want to be when she grew up? Pregnant!
- How do you know if a swan has a drinking problem, it looks this hungover.
- What does a black swan want more than anything in the world? VISINE
The movie was actually pretty good. Watch it if you are hungover. Hangover School out.

Tim and Janice met on a singles cruise and Tim fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in neighboring cities only a few miles apart Tim was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Tim had taken Janice to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies and museums. Tim became convinced that Janice was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tim took Janice to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tim said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.”

“So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Janice took a deep breath and responded, “Tim, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.” “Oh wow! I see,” Tim replied. He looked down at the table, was quiet for a moment. Deep in serious thought he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”

Here is an original Hangover School joke. Jokes are hangover cures, this one may or may not make you feel better.

A guy and his wife are sitting around bored with nothing to do.

The guy turns to his wife and says,

“Tell me something that will make me really happy and sad at the same time, that should spice things up.”

His wife thinks for a moment then says,

“You have the biggest penis out of all of your friends.”