Do you have a roommate who keeps drinking all your beer? Every time you turn around the beautiful, ice-cold beers in your fridge just vanish, and your roommate, the only person who has step foot in the house had nothing to do with it? If your roommate keeps drinking your beer, here is what you can do.
Disclaimer: These recommendations are jokes. Not to be taken seriously or actually acted upon. Hangover School just likes to say funny stuff. Don’t be an idiot and do any of this.
Stop your Roommate from Drinking your Beer
Put wet paint on the back of your beer. Then, when your roommate goes to steal your beer he will get paint all over his hand. You will then be able to identify that he has been touching your beer. And even if he washes it off, he will still feel super sketched out that you took the time to put paint on your beer.
Set up a video camera in the house. If you set up a surveillance camera and monitor the fridge you are sure to catch him on tape. Once you have the video, save it to your computer and invite a bunch of girls over. Then play the video and humiliate your roommate publically in front of the girls, stating that he is too broke to buy beer. If he goes in his room and cry’s, make sure you yell, “you are a sissy, cheap beer stealing looser” to rub it in.
Create a small circle cut out, add a smile face to it and write I am watching you on it, then place it on top of the beer. If you write I am watching you and place it on top of your beer if will make your roommate think twice, but he still may drink the beer. If he does drink the beer, follow one of the following proactive measures.
Punish your Roommate for Drinking your Beer
If he or she has already drank your beer, do one of the following.
- Walk into his room first thing in the morning and start playing Lady Gaga as loud as possible on a boom box. Then yell, “don’t drink my beer a$$hole!”
- Ask him if he is hungover, if so, offer to make him a smoothie. Place laxatives in the smoothie and remove all the toilet paper in the house. Then, place one piece of sand paper in the bathroom as his only option.
- Fill up a bucket full of beer, then walk into his room and dump it on his head. While doing so, make sure to scream and cry tears or pain while yelling, “You WANT BEER!!! HERE IS YOUR BEER, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!”
- File a complaint with the police. You have the option of calling the police, hiring an attorney and taking the case to trial. You will have to invest thousands of dollars, fight countless battles based on the idiocy of the case, and in the end only recover a few dollars. In the process, you will also loose your dignity and all the respect of your friends and family. But it is an option.
Our final recommendation would be, if your roommate keeps drinking your beer, to tell him to stop. If he keeps drinking your beer, hide your beer, or kick the cheap ass out of your house!
Do you have a roommate who drinks all your beer? Tell us about it below!